


Starvation

by daiyokai



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Blood, Cannibalism, Hide being best buddy as always, Hide being there for him, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Starvation, fluff at the end, takes place before Kaneki met Touka, there's lots of it, what else can I tag?, you can probably guess where this is leading to
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-19
Updated: 2015-09-19
Packaged: 2018-04-21 12:40:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4829495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daiyokai/pseuds/daiyokai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaneki is on the verge of dying when Hide forcefully breaks into his flat.Seeing his best friend being turned into a bloodthirsty ghoul was definitely not what he expected to find...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Starvation

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta’d, if you find mistakes, please let me know. English is not my first language, so there might be many errors, plus this is my first fanfiction ever. I hope you like it though…  
> The story takes place before Kaneki met Touka and started working at Anteiku.

 

Kaneki was hungry. His growling stomach almost drove him crazy, but no matter what he tried to eat, he couldn’t stomach anything of it. He knew the reason for that, but he just couldn’t accept the truth, the undeniable truth: That he had turned into a ghoul.

  
Lying on the ground, surrounded by remnants of his last attempt of eating human food, Kaneki grabbed the next thing lying beside him, a bar of chocolate. His favourite brand. _Former_ favourite brand. Now it smelled like decayed soil.

‘There is no way I can eat that…’ he said to himself and sobbed.

  
Suddenly, his phone rang. Hide _again_ , for the 1000st time this afternoon. Kaneki sighed. His phone was lying on the table and there was absolutely no way to reach it. Not in his state.  He could barely raise his hands anymore and he felt like he was dying within the next hour. He wondered how long he could hold on like this. His stomach growled again. As if there were something to satisfy his hunger… well, technical, there was _one_ way, but…how on earth should he get some human meat in this state? And more important, how should he be able to eat it?

 

His vision began to blur and Kaneki hoped for easement in his sleep. This was when the phone rang _again_.

‘Cut it out, Hide,’ he thought, ‘There is no way I can be your friend any longer… Not with this body…’

His stomach growled again. Every inch of his body was aching and crying out for release. Kaneki felt his left eye burning of desire, hunger and pain.

‘Maybe… I can eat myself…’ he thought, tough disgusted by the just thinking about it. Blood splattered on the floor when he bit his hand. He didn’t care. There was meat, finally some meat in his mouth, his throat, his stomach. It tasted horrible, worse than all human food he had thrown up the last days, but he felt like he could stomach it at least. Well, that was some sort of improvement after all. But it was not enough, _way_ not enough to satisfy him. He definitely needed some human meat soon, or he would starve to death.

 

Kaneki tried to stand up, but he was too weak and tumbled again. With his unwounded hand, he tried to pull himself up at his couch and succeeded. Now, he was sitting on the couch while breathing heavily. He looked at his wounded hand, or what was left from it. Oddly enough he was not shocked and the pain was nothing compared to his piercing hunger.

 _Well, I guess that’s what I am now… a brutal monster…_ He sobbed again.

 

____________________________________________

‘Kaneki, for heaven’s sake, open the door NOW! I know you are here!!’ Hide was in front of his flat and pounded at his door.

‘Let me in, pal, it’s just me!’ he lowered his voice, his first anger washed away.

Kaneki opened his eyes and looked at his door through his blurry sight.

‘Thank goodness I closed the door thoroughly,’ he thought. He couldn’t imagine what would happen if Hide saw him like this…and what he would do to him…

‘Come on, Kaneki, whatever is your problem, _please_ , talk to me about it… I’m sure we will find a way out…’ he was almost whining.

‘…there is no way…’ Kaneki sobbed again. Hot tears were running over his cheeks and trickled over his clothes, his dirty, _bloody_ clothes.

 

‘Well, if you don’t want to open, I will just break your door!!’ Hide shouted. Kaneki could easily tell that Hide was pushing him to open, but there was no way he could open the door. Not even _physically_.

‘Man, I can hear you crying, come on, don’t treat me like this, Kaneki! I’m your best buddy!’, now, he seemed downcast and a bit annoyed by his friend’s behaviour.  
‘Please… just go… I’m begging you…’ Kaneki’s voice almost broke.  
‘Man, I will come in, _right now_!! This is your last chance! Do you hear me?’

No answer.

‘You really leave me no chance…’ Hide threw himself against Kaneki’s door, which swung open accompanied by a loud shattering sound.

  
‘Oh my god, Kaneki!!’ Hide ran over to Kaneki, lying on the couch.

‘No… don’t come near, Hide… go!’ Kaneki managed to croak out. Damn it, _damn it,_ _damn it_ DAMN IT!! Why was he here now?! Why didn’t he run away?  
‘Man, where are you bleeding? Show me now!’ Hide ordered, but Kaneki turned away und hid his left eye under his hood. Maybe he could just hide it until Hide went home again. _Maybe_.

 

But. His. Scent. Was. So. Pleasant.

 

Kaneki felt like losing control any second because his piercing hunger was driving him crazy and Hide – _fuck, why did he come in in the first place?!-_ didn’t make any attempts of leaving his flat now.

‘ _Hide_ …please leave now… _or I will_ …’ he coughed and dared not to breathe anymore because of _the scent_.

 

‘Man, what are you talkin’ about? There’s no way I can leave you like this, you are wounded and you need a doctor! Wait, I will call an ambulance for you-‘

‘NO! _Stop it_!’ he managed to call out. He was breathing heavily, while hot tears were running through is cheeks. He was almost at the edge.

 

‘K..kaneki..what’s wrong with your eye?!’

 

 _That’s the end, now Hide knows everything_.

 

‘Uh, I... ran into the door and I bruised it… kind of… ‘Kaneki covered it again and turned away from Hide.  
‘Kaneki, you are the worst liar in the world… ‘Hide carefully touched Kaneki’s hood and removed it from his face. The ghoul’s eye was now glowing bloody red and staring at Hide, _human meat_. Hide shivered.

 

‘I…I’m…’ Kaneki was struggling for words, but he couldn’t just bring himself to say it; _I am a ghoul_. Knowing Hide he would definitely figure it out by himself.

 

But Hide just drew him near and hugged him.

‘…no…’ Kaneki managed to say, the scent was too tempting now. His growling stomach almost shouted at him, his aching body cried for a release too. _Meat, there is meat! Right in front of you! Eat it, eat it,_ EAT IT NOW!!

 

 _-chomp-_  


The taste of human meat filled his mouth, sweet blood running through his throat, Kaneki felt like being resurrected from the dead. His former aching body was now overwhelmed with pleasure and joy. He has never felt so delightful before his whole life.

-One more bite, _oh my god, this is so gooooood. More, more,_ MORE-

-NO!! Stop it! It’s _Hide_! I can’t! Have to stop! Have to stop NOW! _Hide_ , oh god, HIDE!-

 

Somehow, he managed separate himself from Hide’s delicious – _delicious_ \- meat. Breathing heavily and with a strong feeling of disappointment and desire, he opened his eyes and tried to look at his friend.

‘I…I’m so sorry, Hide! Oh my god, a…are you alright?!’

_I can’t believe I actually did this to Hide, I’m the worst. There is no doubt he will hate me, he will report me to the CCG, I’m dead, I’M DEAD. I tried to eat my best friend, I don’t deserve any better. I don’t wanna live this kind of life any longer. Please just kill me right on the spot…_

 

‘D…do you feel better now?’ Hide asked, his voice sounded brittle. Though he looked sad, he managed to smile at Kaneki.

 

‘Stop smiling, Hide, I just tried to _kill_ you!!’ he shouted and realised he shed tears again.

 

‘You… were about to _starve_ , right? Then you didn’t try to kill me, you just couldn’t stand the hunger any more…’

 

‘Why don’t you HATE me now?! What’s wrong with you? You can’t be serious, Hide! I’m… I’m a _monster_ …’

 

‘ _Sh, sh_ , it’s okay, Kaneki, come here,’ Hide managed to draw him near and hugged him.

Kaneki struggled but without success.

 

‘Look, the wound isn’t that bad. It’s only bleeding. It doesn’t hurt at all.’

Kaneki reluctantly looked at Hide’s shoulder and saw the wound his jaw made earlier. His hunger stroke back again immediately after seeing all that blood dripping down on Hide’s clothes and on the floor. Kaneki could feel his Kakugan piercing and burning again, he was too embarrassed to look into Hide’s eyes.

 

‘Y...you should really go now…before I attack you again…’ Kaneki managed to say, although his voice sounded broken.

 

‘I can’t let you die in here, you know, you’re my best friend! I…if it helps you, you can have my splattered blood…’

 

‘NO! P...please just go… I don’t want to hurt you… I already did… I… can’t live like this anymore, don’t you understand?! Please just go and let me die in here…I don’t wanna, no, I _can’t_ live like this!!’

 

‘Stop saying such nonsense, Kaneki. Take my blood already; it will clear your mind’

‘Hey, I’m perfectly clear-‘ Kaneki wanted to answer, but Hide forcefully filled his mouth with his dripping blood. Kaneki swallowed reluctantly, though his blood was perfectly sweet and the taste reminded him of his early childhood, when his mother made vanilla pudding for him.

 

Hide didn’t give in until Kaneki licked all his blood from his wound. Then he managed to push Hide aside and get up from his couch.

 

‘K…Kaneki? Where are you going?’ Hide asked.

 

‘Your wound… ‘Kaneki answered while entering his bathroom. His reflection in the mirror looked frightening with all that blood in his face and on his clothes, as if he had bathed in blood, but at least his Kakugan wasn’t active anymore. _I need to clean myself… and change my clothes… and clean the floor, and the couch and Hide and my teeth and…_

 

‘Here… I have bandages for you… Could you… let me treat your wound?’

‘Sure, man. But I can do it myself too, if it’s too hard for you.’

‘N…no, I’m okay.’ Kaneki attached the bandages around Hide’s shoulder and sighted relieved when the bare flesh could no longer be seen and the smell wasn’t as stimulating as before.

 

After treating the wound Kaneki started cleaning the couch, though the bloodstains were barely removable. He would have the same problems with his clothes later.

Hide watched without saying a word. Thank goodness he didn’t look terrified or angry, just a bit tired. Kaneki’s face was burning red and he didn’t dare to look at him, while he was cleaning with his shivering hands.

 

‘Damn, how should I ever be able to clean up this mess again?’ he said to himself, forgetting his friend was still sitting there and watching.

‘Well, you didn’t go easy on me, Kaneki. I wasn’t expecting you to be a ghoul.’ Hide said and Kaneki blushed even deeper red, if that was possible.

‘I… I’m sorry… I didn’t want you to know… you understand that, right? I… I mean, since I had this surgery, my life was so different and horrible and I… just… couldn’t tell you… I’m so sorry Hide… You should be angry with me, at least a little bit…’

‘I AM angry, Kaneki! Angry because you kept quiet and didn’t tell me a thing! That’s what friends are for, right? You almost died! Like I always say, rabbits die alone.’

‘…I’m no rabbit, Hide… and … I’m no human either…’

‘Who cares? Man, you’re a ghoul, that’s super awesome!! I always wanted to meet one!’

‘T… That’s not funny!’ Kaneki sighed, annoyed by Hide’s behaviour. _As if nothing had changed…_

Hide sensed his shift in mood and hugged him again.

‘Kaneki, please, next time, tell me earlier, okay? You’re my best friend and I will never let you down, no matter what you do or what you are. Promise me, Kaneki!’ Hide looked straight into Kaneki’s eyes.

‘Yes… I promise… ‘his voice almost broke.

‘Please… don’t start crying, I wanna see my best friend smile again!’

Kaneki gave his best and tried to smile for him, but Hide burst out with laughing.

‘What? _That_ was supposed to be a smile?! Kaneki, you… that was awful! So priceless, you really should have seen yourself!’ Hide was literally laughing his ass off.

‘I’m sorry…’ Kaneki said, embarrassed again.

‘How often do you wanna say that? It’s really getting boring, Kaneki! Come on, let’s do something more fun!’ Hide seemed to have his normal cheerfulness back again.

‘I’m not in the mood… and I have to clean this mess…’

‘Man, look at us! We look like we had a blood bath, and you know what? I don’t care! I mean, I didn’t mean going out like this. Just… I don’t know, watching a movie or something like that?’

‘…okay, why not? You know my DVD boxes, just help yourself. I’m fine with anything.’

‘Hm, let’s see…’ Hide started picking up a few DVDs, though he didn’t seem to be completely happy with Kaneki’s collection. He seemed to be looking for something.

Kaneki noticed Hide’s arm was flinching every time he picked up a DVD and felt unease building up. Of course the wound must hurt him, but he kept quiet for Kaneki’s sake. How did he deserve such a good friend?

 

‘Got it! That’s what I wanna watch!’ Hide proudly presented him a DVD. A thriller, of course. Hide always wants to watch thriller.

‘Okay. What about some snacks?’ Kaneki answered, instantly regretting. He was pretty sure there weren’t any snacks left, since he had tried out everything a few days ago and had to vomit again afterwards.

‘Nah, it’s okay. I’m not hungry.’ Hide said as if he had read his thoughts.

‘Alright…’ Kaneki sighted in relief and took a seat on the floor, next to Hide.

 

The movie started but Kaneki was distracted by the chaos in his head. What a crazy day it had been. A few hours ago he thought he was going to die, but now? Everything seemed to be normal. This was too good to be true. No, it was true after all, thanks to his friend, the best best friend in the world.

 

‘Hey, are you dozing off, Kaneki? Not interested in the movie?’ Hide asked, but Kaneki was already sleeping on the floor, curled like a dog.

 

When he woke up he felt the warmth of his blanket. Hide must have brought it, together with his pillow. Kaneki looked around, but Hide was nowhere found. Half asleep, he managed to get up and looked at his phone. It was already 4 a.m., so Hide had gone home, of course. Kaneki picked up his blanket and walked into his bedroom. To his surprise there was a sheet of paper lying on his mattress.

 

_Dear Kaneki,_

_It’s getting late, so I have to go home._

_I hope I can let you alone now, you won’t cry yourself into sleep, right?_

_If you feel sad or anything, call me please, no matter, what time it is. I will be there for you._

_Your sunshine_

_PS: I’m gonna see you tomorrow at University, right?_

 

‘Yes, Hide.’ Kaneki said and smiled genuinely, this time.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you found mistakes or if there is anything else you wanna tell me, please do that! It's my first fanfiction and if have noooo idea how to improve in writing and stuff...


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